4. E n g l a n d :

"GENTLE" HELP FOR MEN TORN BY DESIRE FOR A WOMAN'S LIFE

MEN STRUGGLING WITH sex problems that scare away most churches can now find help from a Christian who understands their struggles.
The counseling and support ministry for transvestites and transsexuals is run by a man who himself had a secret life as a cross-dresser and at once stage considered undergoing a "sex change" operation.
Based in central London, Keith Tiller meets regularly with men who believe they are women trapped in males bodies, or who enjoy dressing in female clothes, to offer advice and pray as they seek to change their lifestyles.
"I know what it's like to feel that no-one can possibly understand you. I can come alongside and say, 'I know, I have been there," he says. "I am there to listen, pray, cry, whatever is necessary as they try to move forward."
While many transvestites and transsexuals claim to be happy dressing and living as women, a large number suffer from depression and often turn to drugs and alcohol, says Tiller - from research and his own experience.
Twice divorced and the father of two grown children, Tiller "knew I was different from an early age". Both wives accepted his transvestitism, but after his second marriage failed he had a nervous breakdown and while in hospital was advised to consider "sex change" surgery.
Before going ahead, however, he attended a church service with a friend and became a Christian in 1987. Later he trained with and joined Youth With A Mission in his native Australia before moving to England to establish the Parakaleo program.
Some who seek him out come from Christian backgrounds themselves, and many have had bad experiences when seeking help from local churches.
"One of the things I have found dealing with people from this kind of background is that often the first thing people want to do is almost hit them over the head with the Bible - and that just tends to force them away."
Tiller's non-confrontational approach gives its name to Parakaleo - one of the few ministries of its kind in the world - which refers to the passage in 1 Timothy 5 that talks about "making a gentle appeal". "I will stick by someone as they struggle," he says. "I know it can be three paces forward and two back, and that is OK as long as they are making progress and are committed to change."
Many churches' rejection of his kind of clients is born out of fear and ignorance, he says. "It maybe also raises personal issues that people haven't dealt with themselves."
Emotional, psychological and spiritual issues are involved in transvestitism and transsexualism, he says. "It's wrong to try to put it all down to one particular thing, to put them in a box.
"It is also important to see them essentially as issues of identity, not sexuality. Our sex is biologically determined, with a few rare exceptions. We are born male or female. Sex should not be confused with gender, which is how a person sees or perceives themselves."
Parakaleo operates as part of The Earl's Court Project, a partnership between YWAM and a local church - Holy Trinity, Brompton. Since 1985 staff and volunteers have worked in the inner city district renowned for drugs and prostitution.
Tiller admits to "having had to overcome a lot of shame" as he talks openly about his past, and that "if I had my way I wouldn't be doing this - I'd be going along quite anonymously. But God has worked in my life and I believe he wants me to help bring healing and restoration to others".
- Photo available on request.